No more Sex in Uganda until the Somalis have left!

We all know how most Ugandan girls are crooks, if nt all! And a very good number of us accept that they are not pretty unless they are Rwandese.

But in the wake of Al Kebab talks I wonder how these crooks are coping. 

Uc, being used to a life of a man taking u out for a drink and u ask for a whole bar, being used to a life of man taking u out for a platter of pork muchomo and u ask for a whole pig, being used to a man taking u out for a movie and u ask for a plasma screen, being used to a man taking u out for a Sunday walk and u ask your fellow girlfriends to tag along…

I wonder what life is like; now that bars are empty and lights are on in nightclubs...hee! hee!

A Ugandan girl will ask u for fresh coconut juice. U bring granadilla, she will thank u for having taste. Hee! Hee!

Altho’ it’s so sad that a hell lot of people lost their lives while parting; for every tragedy there is a flip side to it.

Men in Uganda must be breathing a sigh of relief for a few days after the bombings. They must have saved a lot of dimes by not taking out the girls. I am sure some could have raked in a few hundreds shillings for their retirement. 

And for some reason, parties in Uganda are like war. Atlst all the attributes of war can be located at any outing. 

Partying in Uganda can lead to death. At least in the wallet which to me is as good as dead. Women go out to finish off any breath and sanity a man is having at the time. After all they can always meet another who is still on his deathbed.

She will collect airtime from hundreds of others lovers to buzz and buzz until u give in to an outing. Then she will hound u for a new dress until u sell your car. It’s tough being a Ugandan man in Uganda. The hardest citizenship any man could ever ask for. 

Ugandan girls wake up to horoscopes. Yes! That Zodiac garbage. And as fate would have it, most horoscopes in Uganda point at “…Ur a lucky lady today. U need to find your luck in that dream man…” And there havoc begins. She goes out on a rampage until the dreams are realised… 

And they are unavoidable! For starters, she will show u her knickers and when u reach to touch there, she says tomorrow. Ouch! Fingers burnt! Meanwhile she is busy swallowing a whole leg of a pig.

So a fool like me, I will wait for sunrise…and the story goes on like that!

Then the following day, she comes with another trick... One breast is falling out…oooh! la! la! U try to kiss, then she will be like, “Boss, later in the evening…” 

That evening, the leaking begins…uc, Hanny, the tomato sauce…its that time! Eh!

And trouble is; in the presence of a looming prize like sex, its nt easy to learn anything. If anything, one forgets everything.

But then again, the cost of not taking out a girl is so high! U wont eat! U will starve and starve and not until she’s eaten. It the curse that man inherited from eve.

So it’s very possible right now most Ugandan men are paying. They are regretting why the govt elected to send troops to Somalia. And I support the calls to withdraw just to save the manhood of our men.

Postponing sex is simply postponing a hard-on and in the end its postponing pain. Period. Trouble is, the pain won’t go away! It’s the happiness that will!

Enjoy your week!