AFRIGO BAND ALIVE IN SOUTH AFRICA

Nature relies on instinct and so do peoples and their music.

On the 6^th of Nov, 2010, (this week) as the sun sets on the lush green lawns of University of Pretoria Sports ground, music and dance will once again be the centre of attraction.

It won’t be the usual hannington’s braai (facebook group) that have long been the tradition of the place.

Instead, it will be a mother of all shows, a performance and possibly a music fest never seen before.

Afrigo Band, Uganda’s oldest and most celebrated band will be performing live for the first time in South Africa.

Right inside Rembrandt Hall at the Tuks Sports ground, it will only be entertainment and sound.

A band which has been voted number one in Uganda and other parts of the world as the most popular by demand, opinion and by popular vote will dazzle all.

A 16-person line-up of cult personalities like lead singer and front-man Moses Matovu, then Joanita Kawalya, Rachael Magoola, Eddy Yawe and Congolese dance specialists; a glorious night awaits all revelers.

This will also double as a grand launch of PAMATA (Pan African Music And Theatre Arts), local dance, theatre and arts group. Visit www.pamata.co.za

It promises to be a scorching performance on the hottest night of the South African party calendar.

Keyboard maestros, accomplished saxophonists, the Jimmy Hendrix re-incarnations massaging the guitars, fine drummers complimented by gorgeous voices; this will be a night of hip-swinging and life-enhancing splendour.

A music extravaganza with a typical sense of African rhythm; this promises to set everyone on fire. Miracles will happen... Those unable to shake their waists will rise up and feel the beat.

With huge singles like Speed, Jim, Obangaina, Amazzi g’enyama to their latest hits..., this only once-in-a-life time show will rock everyone.

The question is: Where will you be when history is unfolding? Why short-change yourself to a lukewarm evening when you can actually celebrate life like never before?

Come live rent-free for a whole night on a floor that will explode into a raging dance fest of drums, reggae and afro pop!

If you have so little in terms of financial wealth; but so rich in spirit of togetherness, then for only R300, this will be an unforgettable night.

Special sitting for those who wish to be pampered will come at a cost of R500.

And if you are a scholar, for R150 only, you will have the best end-of-year party.

All these categories are available at all Computicket outlets countrywide, though doing it fast might save you from any regrets!

For me there has been only one BAND overs years that has remained transfixed in sheer perfection, great voices that come piercing through the illusion of daily life, its beauty and challenges. AFRIGO BAND...

Cu later in the week!

hanningtonsbraai.blogspot.com: Comments are welcome!

The many articles I have written (HANNINGTON'S BRAAI facebook group) over time have drawn widespread comments in my inbox. Some positive some negative, hot and cold.

That's fine. In fact, its healthy to comment on anything.

I have been advised by some to take up writing, while others remind me how gifted I am like I don't know whats in my pants...hee! hee!

A few have been advised to hook up with guys like Sagara, Ernest Bazanye, and Timothy Bukumne, but not any women. Sad!

Guys like Appolo, Bukenya Moses, Emmy, Tendo, Craig, Kato, Shema, Felix, Bale, Stella Nambalirwa, Allen, David, Peter, Kiyingi (I have never mate), Moe in Canada, Sharon, Emma, Mubiru Edward (Botswana), Grace Mukwaya (hannington, ur wasting your talent...), Judith, Ikote, Jackie, Edgar Katiti and so many others... Ur the reason why I am still passing out these windy messages

It's also true, people have kicked me out of their networks (facebook) coz of the offensive, controversial, bigotry and abusive language I use.

I have been rebuked, ridiculed and even called a "not fit for a dog's breakfast" by some ugly woman in Cape Town who I suspect sleeps with her dog.

Others think I need psychiatric evaluation... Who doesn't?

One member thinks I might be a good screw while another thinks I suffer from premature ejaculations...hee! hee!

One even thought I was married..."Hannington don't you fear your wife reading this"

"Hannington, do u realise ugot family...Can u imagine what Napo feels when she reads this...blah, blah

Hannington's braai has even two departed souls (R.I.P) who I think about every other day!

These are people who will never "leave" this group. And I will never stop celebrating them...

But some are also eagerly waiting for the kind of woman I will marry coz I am so harsh on ugly girls...But it's not my fault!

In fact I don't know why such don't also wait for God who created these creatures... Why me?

But friends, its all fine and healthy. In fact I don't mind meat some at street corners and other in my shower-hour and I sort them out...

Hannington's Braai as a groupie, I must admit, has and is a success phenomenal.

It brings me immense pride and joy. I engineer statements and twist grammar without any worry.

But it also brings me pressure especially when I take long to write. I meat people who ask me "When is the next article...?

It even has members I have never mate...hee! hee!

There are arnd 30 people who I actually don't know and are not even my friends on facebook although one day I am sure I will meat them in hell...

Many have been longing for a blogging site where they can freely express themselves.

hanningtonsbraai.blogspot.com.

Some garbage written still needs to be uploaded. Uc its a lot of trash!

Otherwise enjoy so far whats on your plate... hee! hee!

I thank you! Keep reading!

Uganda Society Dinner: Thank you all!

Some parties are indeed designed to put a smile on your face.

You will look forward to it, prepare for it and attend it without a second thought.

And when you are on it just like….you all know, you see why “it’s so nice living and that why life is so good”

A beautiful well decorated Inkwazi Country Lodge-which by the way keeps growing and changing by sunrise was the scene of one of the best parties of 2010-2ND Annual Uganda Society Dinner.

Pretty-legged Kim Kardashian-bottomed girls with golden brown thighs contrasted in black, red, satin blue stylish evening dresses expensively-looking as ever roaming the lush well pedicure and manicured lawns.

These girls all looked so great and inviting, seemingly ready-to-play like kittens on a Turkish-fur rug.

And I am saying this coz Uganda girls tend not to be hot. They have that habit-perfected over generations of a cold front hanging in both their faces and mouth.

They have that facial-habit of “I won’t give you until I get to know your parents”. 

"U are not my favourite horoscope so we can’t kiss…" "U can’t stand so close to me coz people will think u want to enter me…" blah, blah and that sort of garbage.

But that Saturday night was all different! They all looked firely, lively and on the go. Succulent faces were all over.

These same green lawns also hosted scores of prickly men in black suits and fat wallets ready to mingle and bingo. 

Many were responsible for the mean machines paraded like it was Jacob Zuma and his cabinet.

Meanwhile the team behind the scenes Alma, Patricia and President Kazoora were busy doing their thing-rummaging through, chocolates cakes, gifts and making sure all is well.

The best dressed girl Keliza was worthy the present and I am sure Roland complimented her with another massive one. 

Past President Natacia Mpanga who initiated the idea was also mugged with a present. Quincy in his penis-erect tie scooped the best dressed male.

I also received one for refusing to grow up and preying on innocent students even when I know they are not yet ready! Hee! Hee! I am so humbled and thank you.

Defiant DJ Mark spinning up the hits right behind the machines smiling and humbly-looking as usual.

In all fairness, such scenes are not usual in today’s times of recession and persistently low quality people.

The Kenyan delegation of 8 led by Mr. Rottock Tall, entrepreneur and brains behind Expatriate magazine (wonderful, wonderful stuff) with his hot Carol…Oh! Carol… graced the occasion. Three other hot Kenyans girls spiced the event. 

This is a vote of confidence given they were coming from their own societal dinner.

But why are good MC’s so scarce? Is it coz of facebook/ twitter or …. The genes of wonderful and humorous MC’s is depleting.

And again, why is rice so difficult to cook? Chinese and many others flat-iron bottomed squinted eyed Orientals are all over. Surely, the chef shd have contacted the Chinese embassy.

It was indeed a big and successful day. My father, baby sister and brother attended. May be they were proud of me...

Till next year, just stay tuned for AUPSA and Afrigo.
Nice week!

Uganda Society Dinner: A night of hip-swinging and life-enhancing splendour.

Humans are the only animals that organise parties… Dogs only wag their tails! That’s all!

Sadly even when true, most people never have fun at parties. They think they did once, and so think they will again, but really they are only recalling the false memory imprinted thru’ the hopeful DNA of their ancestors.

Perhaps someone once, a very long time ago, possibly in a cave, had a really good party. Perhaps…!

But we keep going back, we keep trying again, believing and hoping that may be this time we will be better, this time we will connect and feel fellowship and have a fantastic time.

And that’s a beautiful thing, donkeys don’t have that… 

But sometimes it’s the desperate faith that tonight might just lead to fun or joy or at least some part-time elevation of spirits that pulls us thru.

And without the shimmering hope that this event could be different, could in some way bring us closer to other humans and leave us more fulfilled in ourselves; a party is a party. 

It’s just a gathering of loud, mad, drunk and crazy lunatics high on energy and low on inhibitions.

It’s this attitude that separates a miserable loner from a social creature.

This party will be the centre of the social universe. It’s not just fine food and champagne that tops the list; it’s also the appealing chics, the decor, the gr8 perfumes, the music by DJ Mark...blah, blah!

It's Happiness! 

Cu!

JSE-AUPSA Seminar: Reading bullet points doesn't turn you into a bullet.

Any seminar on a Saturday morning is like shooting one’s self in the scrotum.

In fact, I would rather go to the flea market and buy myself a new set of second-hand underwear than wake up on a Saturday morning for a money-jargoned lecture.

Now, Ive always argued, any yappings connected to money, finances or dimes should be conducted by naked women in silhouettes and without bra’s. Men should just sit and watch….. It’s just my way of thinking!

But guys, hands up if any one of you would kill a Friday night drink at Newscafe for a Saturday morning drivel on stocks? Lets count…dah, dah, two three five…yes 6 out of 60.

Here I was last Saturday in one. The AUPSA-JSE talks on Financial Independence. What???

The seminar started slightly behind schedule in the majestic towers of JSE. Never before had I been to the building of a sort; clean and nice air.

But what I suspect is, in order to be allowed in such buildings, u need to at least look like someone that has milk back at home in your fridge.

As it so happens the first casualty on such a day is the dress code. Here we are with meat cooks dressed as corporates and corporates masquerading as money…

Finger fucking licking foods greeted us; very tasty given the previous night guzzling.

And predictably like a church, a show on finances is likely to attract “poor-but-serious about life” faces. For they have more hope than the rest.

So here we are cruising with history of trash on JSE at full steam.

The modest but boring presenter painstakingly assaults us with jargon, slowly but surely. Stocks, dogs, index finger, closing, trading traders…blah, blah…

Intense concentration (mother of boredom) suddenly engulfs the room. The not so gifted started yawning while the more innovative ones switched to facebook raspberry.

I got up and borrowed a camera from Mr. Rottock, head of the Kenyan delegation. 

At this time the AUPSA chairman came in to try rescue the fractured crowd. He kind of succeeded.

But guys, weekends, just like life (are) to precious and short to spend one’s time on funeral policies and life-after-death grants.

And what’s with white people’s obsession with graves? Dying is a dull dreary affair for chrissakke!

May be coz I am not a member of the Corporate World Club, that’s why my patience is always at threat.

But it seems to me that corporate culture is likely to be the leading cause of poverty suicide in the future.

Corporates are notorious for forcing down power point bulleted trash inform of hanging flat screens.

The prey on the half asleep and previously drunk to make their powerless points!

For R5O, the floor, organisation, food, drinks and distance were worth it. But again, if I had spent half of that on the net reading the capitalist nigger and the other half on original nik-naks and lipton cold-tea. 

Surely I would sit under a tree and enjoy the crumbling citadels of capitalism and its trash.

The nedbank guy, David Iraka did extremely well in his Carducci suit.

The views expressed here are from my head and not from AUPSA.

Money, Money, money....

1. As part of Uganda's 48th Independence Day anniversary celebrations, The Association of Uganda Professionals in South Africa, in collaboration with The Johannesburg Stock Exchange invite you to an exclusive seminar on: "The Business of Me: Personal Financial Independence"

This seminar is open to all those Ugandans and friends of Uganda, who are willing and ready to learn; prepared to abandon myths or pre-conceptions and think laterally.

The topics to be covered are as follows:

- What the Johannesburg Stock Exchange is all about;
- Relevance of the JSE in the economic system;
- Markets & Products;
- Methods of trading and benefits of investing on the exchange;
- Investing responsibly;
- Staying informed about stock markets and market influences; and
- The JSE involvement in Africa.

For R50, all the above knowledge will be in your nut and may be u will run nuts one day when rich!

Time is 9 -12h. and Venue is JSE auditorium at 1 Exchange Square, Gwen Lane, Sandown in Sandton.

So all are encouraged to attend.

Bumper weekend! Never too late to pick any!

1. Bring and braai 2moro at 5pm at Menlyn place, Emmy's house. Its Kato' b.day and its Idd celebrations. Pillao on the house. These 2 guys are the two reasons why Hannington's Braai and butcheries keeps going strong, harder and smoothly! Pole-position! Come eat a some nyama choma!

2. Its International Students (University of Pretoria) soccer tournament. Last year Uganda hammered Kenya, Tanzania, Zim, and YES! ANGOLA. They went on to lift the Mug and Beans! They need your support. Is at LC.

3. True Story entertainment brings you Old Skool music (soul and funk)party at Just Cuban, Hatfield. Yes! The double-storied barnyard animal farm. Girls rememeber to dress them short and I will look up 2u! hee! hee! DJ MARK will screw us live, hard and direct! Be there!

Then, the last one is...aaaaaaa???? ooops! Ive forgoten!

Anyone interested in the interview?

Dear Sir

I am a Tanzanian journalist, currently on a three-month internship at the Mail & Guardian.

M&G education editor David Macfarlane is supervising my research on students from elsewhere in Africa who are currently enrolled at South African universities, whether for postgraduate programmes or undergraduate ones.

The research will hopefully lead to an article in the M&G on opportunities at South African universities for students from the African continent, based on interviews with such students whom I am hoping will share their views on their experiences in this country – eg the academic experiences, the challenges and benefits of being a foreign student, etc.

I would be very grateful, therefore, if you could put me in touch with students from other African countries whom you know to be studying now at any South African universities.

Regards,

Jiang Alipo.

Iddy el' Fitr on Kato's b.day against burning the Quran...This Saturday!

In an environment where the landscape is dotted with butcheries, an assortment of drumsticks in miniskirts, Kentucky Fried Chicken and condoms, fasting is the hardest to attempt.

Trouble with Ramadan is; it’s associated with excessive ascetic practices like abstinence from food and fasting sex.

So ancient and outdated is such that these days it’s left to celebrities who do it for vanity in order to look slim. 

We all know, it’s a positive virtue to satisfy every human desire...So why get a hard-on and look the other way instead of approaching her and hammering the hell out of her.

In Ramadan, one is also more likely to encounter the smell of bad breath than the aroma of meat burning somewhere. 

It’s simply coz guys spend the whole day without opening their mouth and when they do, its disaster.

U not even allowed to brush in the morning coz Colgate could taste like tart and end up eating the whole tube.

In South Africa, its even tougher coz it comes at a time when short skirts are out on top of braai stands.

And bcoz the SHORT SKIRTS ARE OUT WITH THE SUN, and BUTCHERIES are wide open...this Saturday we will celebrate the end of starvation by eating Iddy. We will compensate for all the self-induced hungers sex strike abstinence.

It also happens to be Kato's b.day! So Emmy the serious Moslem will pull out pillao and we will come with the meat. It's at 2pm at Menlyn Place. 

Come with your mother fuckin' drinks!!
Cu!

Horny Ugandans in trouble..

Last Saturday was a Uganda Society party at Just Cuban, Hatfield. 

Altho' the turn- up was good; it was hardly a Ugandan event. 

I could count no more than 25 Ugandans...Something I found rather unusually strange.

Ugandans here in South Africa are known to be the "party horniest" bulls n cows there is! When it comes to organising and dancing, its very difficult to beat us...

But this time around, things seemed a bit different!

Yes! Ugandans were out-numbered at their own party! Prompting many to ask...WHY?

One thing for sure, there seems to be a feeling of general music fatigue, party over-partying and dance apathy... 

We have had so many parties (not by U Soc.) in one venue-Just Cuban that its now dubbed Uganda night club. 

Trouble is that this particular venue is not nice. Its like a double storied barn with cows upstairs and pigs/dogs downstairs. An animal farm of a sort.

Altho' occasionally the pigs/dogs downstairs can peep under the cows dresses and get some excitement.

Some argue, that Ugandans have run so broke to afford R30, that they wd rather spend such on MTN airtime and blackberry their friends on facebook; something I partly believe...

A few say that it was poor advertising and the party was on such a brief notice, something I don't buy! 

Others point to emerging Kenyans who have pulled their weight in terms of partying lately. (We all know Kenyans can only do one thing-drink beer)

And as the saying goes "the more u run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets"

Bye!

Bring n Braai this Saturday...

Now that the sun is out, meat eaters all over shd start watching out for idiots who attempt to pass-out wind as evidence that meat eaters are
responsible for Global Warming.

We are not!!!

In fact most vegetarians are perverts cum misguided lunatics devoid of decency! They are useless mammals who are responsible for their own misery!

We shd reject them and if possible beat them up for lying to the world that meat is bad!

So, all those who believe in a progressive human race, lets join hands this Saturday and eat meat. 

Venue is our spiritual grounds, LC, University of Pretoria.

Come with your bloody drinks n meat!

Ragga Dee Concert 21 August, Pretoria.

Ugandans in South Africa will be hauled to courts one of these days for garbage trafficking.

Garbage trafficking is a treasonous crime under international law that involves cross-border movement of junk food artists from one country to another.

The flag bearer is Chameleon, the Leg-breaker who trying to flee after fleecing sm promoter in Tanzania succeed in breaking her tibia/fibula. This bugger is a class apart. 

Legacy Sound and Entertainment tried to bring this guy into SA…we even paid a deposit upon signing the contract, the motherfucker has never honored till today.

Then we romped in a fuckin drunk Juliana whose stage name is Suck My Dick. She came to SA, went on stage straight from her bedroom gym managed by some penis; mimed 3 songs…She spent most of the time coughing and swallowing the slimy stuff! Idiot!! 

People paid a lot for her concert and up to today, I am still doing some explaining to the so many disgruntled and dissatisfied goers, including eminent members of the Ugandan community

Since then a hell lot of garbage has been flowing from Uganda to SA. Bobi Swine, Bebe Crook, I-ran Namubiru etc.

Oscof, a few successes can be mentioned like Peter Miles, Radio and Weasel, Navio and Benon and few others.

But the question is… what’s wrong with so-called performers, who pose as singers while marauding as con artists from Uganda and guys like R. Kelly?

Ugandans also got a dose of their own medicine. R. Kelly, the pedophile had a pre-mature ejaculation on them smtime last year. The guy jerked shampoo-like stuff on their faces, thick and fast.

Uc, its one thing to have a voice-Larry King has one. But again, it’s another singing. It’s all together different to perform. Juliana flew all the way from Uganda and could do neither. What a shame, sucker!

Now we have Ragga Dee whose cuming soon. Oscof, we don’t know what the future holds when he gets here.

He is performing on 21st of August here in Pretoria.
Venue: Denver Hall, Corner Pretorius and DuToit
Fee: R200 Ordinary and R300 VIP.

I am attending despite all the above spoof!
Cu!

Women's Day: Rachel n Frank's Birthday braai and True Story night gig...

A lot many people around the world don’t realise how important it is to have women on top. 

Sm just can’t simply fathom the whole idea of a woman on top, be it in office, at home, in the kitchen or even at the sports ground. Oscof, this is especially so of men.

Bt this kind of stereotype can only be blamed on the missionaries like John Hannington Speke. They came pretending to be looking for rivers that flow massively thereby coming up with their own style of spreading the word. Where they got it from…God knows! 

They argued that women tend to get tired easily while on top, they also tend to suffer from acrophobia and they are more likely to feel shy while up there. 

There is no doubt their style is to look down on women …hee! hee!

Today things are a hell lot different. Some of the best roughriders are women. Also some of the best screwdrivers of buses are women and so are bus riders.

In essence, what men can do, women too, can. Just go to the ladies bathrooms in many of the hangout places, u will find them peeing while standing. Some oscof use vuvuzelas to target properly. Ha!

Govt's around the world led by the ladies' man Mr.Jacob Zuma, hv also come to the table. They have declared women’s day which intentionally (sic) falls on 8th March. 

Here in South Africa it’s on the 8th of August-this weekend which will automatically make Monday a pubic (Ha!)Holiday! Long weekend indeed for women to be on top!!!

So to celebrate these beautiful creatures that fell from heaven like manna, massive parties await for all party animals:

1. Rachel, (u know Edward Mukwaya...?) together with Frank-in-law, (Dont disappoint, invite all those MEDUNSA chics) are having a massive birthday braai this Saturday at Queenswood, their country home. Food and meat will be on the house in the house and at the house. But, come with yo bloody drinks. Time=2pm.

2. Then True Story Entertainment will later in the night (9:30pm) fire up the dance floor at Just Cuban, Hatfield nxt to Brooklyn Police Xenophobia. For a paltry R30, DJ Mark and DJ Malusu (I love the guys name) will spin the vinyls passing out sound like no other. According to the info from the loud mouth reaching my silent ears; the first 150 ladies to cum will each get a free glass of Cuban wine! Now what the fuck is Cuban wine? May be Fidel Castro’s pee...hee! hee! The guy can wee, eh!

All are invited. Ugandans, Kenyans, Tzanians (no private parts), Darfur, Congolians, Zimbos, Malawians, Mzansi's Angolians, Gerians, Ghanana Republic etc

NOTE: A boring braai/party is way much better than a boring house eagerly waiting for a phone call from cheats!

Cu!

No more Sex in Uganda until the Somalis have left!

We all know how most Ugandan girls are crooks, if nt all! And a very good number of us accept that they are not pretty unless they are Rwandese.

But in the wake of Al Kebab talks I wonder how these crooks are coping. 

Uc, being used to a life of a man taking u out for a drink and u ask for a whole bar, being used to a life of man taking u out for a platter of pork muchomo and u ask for a whole pig, being used to a man taking u out for a movie and u ask for a plasma screen, being used to a man taking u out for a Sunday walk and u ask your fellow girlfriends to tag along…

I wonder what life is like; now that bars are empty and lights are on in nightclubs...hee! hee!

A Ugandan girl will ask u for fresh coconut juice. U bring granadilla, she will thank u for having taste. Hee! Hee!

Altho’ it’s so sad that a hell lot of people lost their lives while parting; for every tragedy there is a flip side to it.

Men in Uganda must be breathing a sigh of relief for a few days after the bombings. They must have saved a lot of dimes by not taking out the girls. I am sure some could have raked in a few hundreds shillings for their retirement. 

And for some reason, parties in Uganda are like war. Atlst all the attributes of war can be located at any outing. 

Partying in Uganda can lead to death. At least in the wallet which to me is as good as dead. Women go out to finish off any breath and sanity a man is having at the time. After all they can always meet another who is still on his deathbed.

She will collect airtime from hundreds of others lovers to buzz and buzz until u give in to an outing. Then she will hound u for a new dress until u sell your car. It’s tough being a Ugandan man in Uganda. The hardest citizenship any man could ever ask for. 

Ugandan girls wake up to horoscopes. Yes! That Zodiac garbage. And as fate would have it, most horoscopes in Uganda point at “…Ur a lucky lady today. U need to find your luck in that dream man…” And there havoc begins. She goes out on a rampage until the dreams are realised… 

And they are unavoidable! For starters, she will show u her knickers and when u reach to touch there, she says tomorrow. Ouch! Fingers burnt! Meanwhile she is busy swallowing a whole leg of a pig.

So a fool like me, I will wait for sunrise…and the story goes on like that!

Then the following day, she comes with another trick... One breast is falling out…oooh! la! la! U try to kiss, then she will be like, “Boss, later in the evening…” 

That evening, the leaking begins…uc, Hanny, the tomato sauce…its that time! Eh!

And trouble is; in the presence of a looming prize like sex, its nt easy to learn anything. If anything, one forgets everything.

But then again, the cost of not taking out a girl is so high! U wont eat! U will starve and starve and not until she’s eaten. It the curse that man inherited from eve.

So it’s very possible right now most Ugandan men are paying. They are regretting why the govt elected to send troops to Somalia. And I support the calls to withdraw just to save the manhood of our men.

Postponing sex is simply postponing a hard-on and in the end its postponing pain. Period. Trouble is, the pain won’t go away! It’s the happiness that will!

Enjoy your week!

Thank you all!

For reasons entirely unclear, I have always enjoyed parties in the bush. May be coz I get to pee anywhere without the hussle of qing. 

It’s also possible that when u chat up a girl, things can easily be sorted out there and then without any fear of climbing steps and her refusing along the way…hee! hee! 

Last night, while at Inkwazi Country Club, I had a vision; that all people shd quit organised religion, organised pubs, organised restaurants and organised women and try out the opposite. Go have a party at Inkwazi…Very rewarding!

It was the AUPSA (Association of Ugandan Professionals in South Africa/ organised migrant labourers) hand-over of an empty bank account. 

The new committee chaired by Mr. Allen Muton (proprietor of Inkwazi) was taking over from the old committee were I was partially responsible for PR but did extremely nothing coz I didn’t have a clue on what my job entailed. 

And in strange twist of fate, I was re-elected in the same position proving that however stupid George Bush was, people still loved him and re-erected him. So it’s up to u to pick who’s stupider…

We drove on sm anorexic road till we reached the boma. There was a borne fire and a braai stand. Everyone converged by the burning logs with scenes reminiscing Survivor
Al Kebab.

We danced K’naan, ate meat, paid our respects to all those victims of the bombings in Kampala, drank alcoco (hee!) and peed in our pants. Some guy also tried to steal a red- hot burning log coz he wanted to light a cigarette but dint want to walk back to the boma…hee! hee! …evidence that anything is possible.

Guys cracked so many jokes that at one point sm guy tore his left mouth due to extreme laughter. What a joke…hee! hee!

So good was the atmosphere that I want to thank the following: 

Jenny Ntabgoba, the high-voltage smiler, Irene and the 3 cute girls who survived me, but shd be pursued seriously by any serious dancer, Cirrus the cloud guy who reminds me so much of Larry Dramdri, 

David Rwamutemba, Musa Waiswa, George Kanyonza. Peter Mugisha and wifey less by Kagaju, Yvonne Musanase looking healthier than the rest, Stella Ogema spotting a bigger reason to live than a few good women, Ivan Semwanga…

Rachel and Edward Mukwaya who must be at the car washing bay at the time of writing, perils of “snow-white shoes” on a dusty road (nice new ride, Mr.), Frank and his Potassium Permanganate colleague who live for nothing but life in Limpopo, hee! hee!

Mr., James Oketch, Kato Ronald beaming with his Beyonce, Charles Mugerwa fresh from Europe, and your UN attaché, Irene Namugaya, Twino, Stella Nambalirwa the new admin secs for AUPSA, Dave Iraka and his beau, Bale Kirwana who kept looking at the moon to see whether its curfew time… 

Dr. Kaggwa Martin who did a sterling job in firing up the cold fire and braaing, Rhona Himbisa, Mr. John Mpungu, 

And a lot so many other friends whose names I keep forgetting for no apparent rzn except forgetting…

Thank you all for cumin. Keep cumin till rivers run dry.

Yours truly, 
Kasirye Hannington.

Association of Ugandan Professionals in South Africa. (http://www.facebook.com/l/fcb56ObA35srAHxmaoPsVElZo-w;www.aupsa.org.za)

Morning! Under the stewardship of a new chairman, Mr. Mutono Allen, AUPSA is re branding itself as the number one umbrella of Ugandan professionals in South Africa.

A new committee has just been elected into office. Its taking over the reigns from the previous committee which has done a sterling job in laying a solid foundation for the organisation

2moro is the hand-over ceremony which will be brief and to the point. The venue is in Inkwazi and all are invited. Its a bring n braai too.

There will also be a moment of silence of the victims of Al Kurly Hair bombers from Somalia. Not even birds in the tree will be allowed to make noise.

I also take this opportunity to call on all Ugandans of South Africa origin by birth and female in private parts to come be part of the new committee...

Ladies like Stella Nabikonge, Dr. Livinia Lumu, Maude Kaweesa, Tina Luboyera, Barbara Sentongo, Fiona Muwanula, Jackie and Sheila Kabugujjo, Grace Mukasa, Sandra Lisa and many others are all encouraged to come join and take up pole-positions (hee!).

With Xenophobia in SA and Al Kurly Hair in Uganda, AUPSA is the only shelter God has provided to protect His migrant labourers and their offspring's...Amen!

Visit http://www.facebook.com/l/fcb56ncl-rCzLtqdWSs1q84UQlQ;aupsa.org.za or join the facebook group.

Sanki you!
Kasirye Hannington (Marketing Officer).

Al Kebab mourning this Sarudtay, 4pm at Inkwazi.

While fetching firewood, this morning, govt officials stopped me and asked where I was taking it...

I replied that "I am planning a night vigil at my flat on 306 How Much street to honour my dead brothers and sisters of Al Kebab bombings Kampala."

The govt warned me that setting up a fire inside a council flat is akin to terrorism. I might end up burning the whole building...

I protested arguing that I have a running water which I wd use as a fire extinguisher.. They couldn't take non of that.

For that reason, I move the braai to Inkwazi. Come with your meat and drinks on Saturday at 4pm. Thrz a boma at Inkwazi and that's where we will set up the night virgin.

Come with your hymn books and tears for shedding.

My sincere condolonces to Holland and Uganda

Bomb blasts are rocking Kampala like a popcorn-vending machine with the death toll currently standing at 64 plus...

I would wish to extend my sincere condolences to the many are affected and infected, inflicted and afflicted (hee! hee!).

This group has many members presently in Uganda who are holidaying coz they couldn't afford world cup tickets (broke idiots) but like partying and groupies. I sincerely hope ur all fine.

Look out for each other and make sure everyone is safe plus pliz join me for a memorial braai at my flat this Saturday. Come with tears, meat and a drink.

May God be with u all
Amen.

Take-A-Killer Party tonight at Just Cuban, Hatfield.

Helping women overcome pornography addiction is one of the most difficult jobs I have ever done…

It’s a tough job, guys! Tough in a sense that; during presentations, one needs to use slides of naked men and women in order to hammer points home.

Most participants in my class (Pornography Anonymous), are always relaxed by the looks of faces altho’ seemingly tense from below up to the bottom. Topics like masturbation are very popular esp. if stuff is had to come by.

On top of that, it’s a man doing the whole talking. Oscof, one is likely to end up messing everything and screwing the whole class.

Now, as if such a task wasn’t tough enough, then a tall man (founder of TRUE STORY ENTERTAINMENT) asks me to advertise a party for him a few hours before it kicks off…And as soon as I hang up the phone, I ask myself “What’s wrong with fuckin' human beings?”

Why would u invite black people just seconds before the DJ arrives…That’s if he also cums on time. Hee! hee!

Is it bcoz the party is at night and most black people in SA perform better under the dark…or is it a natural response to pigmentation? I wonder…

The answer is, most of the targeted audiences to this party are the young and restless youth, Hatfield has ever seen. Ugandans, Kenyans, Tanzanians, Rwandese, Zimbos, Nigger from Nigerians, Ghanaians and Mzansi’s and culry hair men from Somalia.

Ugandans lead the packet coz they are more likely to party at anytime and in any place and with anyone… Proud n loud!!

But judging from the last party this very young man (Ikote Brian) hosted, the crowd is likely to be Africans. I am talking abt Kenyans, Zimbos, Ghana Suarez, Angolians, Congolians and Rwandese.

And the venue is Just Cuban, in Hatfield close to a police station.

Someone needs to be attacked by xenophobia 2nite. And somebody needs to deny that it was just Africans on top of their brothers and sisters… Criminal elements. Blah, Blah, Black Sheep...

It’s running from 8pm, a few seconds from now to 12 midnight. It’s also called the Take-A-Killer Party which is spelt Tequilla. 

R30 per enter…altho’ free entrance for ladies till 9pm and free shots of Take-A-Killer from 9-11pm. I will take mine in church 2moro!

DJ Mark Muwanguzi and DJ Malusu will entice us…
Come one, come all!

T-SHIRTS: T-shits, T-shots t-shouts!!

This FIFA Soccer Cup has brought out something abt clothes esp. t-shirts. Everyone everywhere is putting on a t-shirt.

Altho’ I have never understood quite clearly why they don’t allow soccer players to put on office shirts after all they are working; I do understand why t-shirts shd become office wear!

Now, when it comes to clothes, on any given day; I tend to wear anything I find in my wardrobe. There’s even a time I put on left-over French knickers bcoz it looked exactly like my boxers.

In winter, it’s even worse. I sometimes wear one sock on the head to keep warm. Hee! Hee! Then when it comes to the feet, they don’t hv to match as long as the trouser can cover everything.

Uc, t-shirts are man’s second best partner after dogs. This is becoz, they don’t have many buttons unlike shirts. I once had a shirt with seventeen buttons. I kept losing one-by-one till eventually I turned into a night gown.

And like any normal person, they tend to out number all other clothes in my wardrobe. But there comes a point in a man’s life when he can no longer be able to wear a t-shirt.

He needs to put on one and still be able to see his sausage tree without leaning forward…hee! hee! The moment your stomach blocks you; ur in trouble. But again why look there when u can touch n feel it… Hey! Can u feel it…? Most single lonely girls do just that.

T-shirts are like women. Doctrine of signature-appearance indicates use…
And unlike shirts which are worn by govt conmen and bank crooks, one can use a t-shout to announce a party. “I have the pussy, so I call the shots” hee! hee!

U can even draw a decapitated head of Obama on a t-shirt and hang it as a painting in your house.

I can also use a t-shirt to wipe my shoes after which I mop my nose and thereafter clean my microwave. By that time, its oscof, a bit dirty then I throw in the dustbin.

But please if one has a big stomach, rather put down your house curtain and put on that, instead. There is nothing as whack as a pregnant man wearing a bafana bafana jersey.

And if you are a middle-aged man, please don’t tuck in… u do, u’ill look like you want to enter another man. Period!

True also is that a t-shirt has to be expensive. Cheap t-shirts are fine if they are worn by Kenyan men or given out for promotional purposes. Say for example, the gov’t wants more votes from the poor or if one is planning to spend a night in a brothel.

But also colour matters. Most black t-shirts are supposed to be worn by back-up singers and people who carry loud speakers. Ok may be also Zimbabwe migrants.

Enjoy your weekend!

Happy World Cup 2u all.

For Basketballers, destiny can be said to be in their hands but when you have balls between your legs, your destiny cant be in your hands....Its in your legs, CLEARLY.

But its not only in sports, every human being on this earth has their destiny somewhere between their legs. I know of a woman who alluded to this the other day...

So for Bafana Bafana, go ahead and open your legs, and if u have to pee on the Mexicans, plz do it without fear, respect or favour.

If they throw that Mexican chili, retaliate with chakalaka... If u cant win then lest wait for them outside the stadium, and show them what SA is
made of.

History has it that no host nation has ever lost the opener in The World Cup, but again its history...

Cheers!

Xenophobic Attacks: The Second Cuming..

I am neither in the business of predicting doom nor a profiteer of macabre articles. But my people, shd u be a foreigner right now in South Africa, esp. black; all indications are, ur in big trouble come the last whistle of the world cup.

And should u be busy slaying a local girl… do it fast and furious. After that, give her a peck on the bums with these words…“MaNtuli, my sugar, love u, till we meet again”, give her taxi money and bolt for your safety.

One of the reasons among others why we rgoin 2b beaten-up is about service delivery.

Foreign men are being delivered services terribly and mercilessly by the local girls without fear or favour. We do this with so much impunity.

This comes at the expense of the local men. Most foreign men like Ugandans take no prisoners when it comes to a "good old local shag". They have big sticks and tend to be great punishers.

And there is no rzn why we shdnt. First of all, most of our own girls are not pretty… at least Iv never seen a sober Kenyan girl or an above-average Ugandan girl. Tanzania, that one is a basket case.

On top of them, they are complex both in attitude and language. One has to think long and hard on how, why and when to ask for the pie. U can’t say it directly or she will call the cops. Atlst with Rwandese, u raise your middle finger and then she gets a clue.

With Ugandan girls, u have to draw some captions (of a memory stick and a USB port) on a piece of a paper and give it to her while looking the other way! Waiting for your fate… I can as well wait for my HIV results.

Or u nd to be a liar of a sort. Ok, I know women are engineered to reject the truths and ingest all the lies… Ooops!

But words have to be like this “Hey, Nakagoma, I want to marry u”… while leading her to a very dark place. Even when destination is reached, ur still nt guaranteed of the potato salad coz she is still wide awake and still looking. Hee! Hee!

And our own foreign girls are not helping. They refuse to be shagged by the locals except for a few who can’t take it while lying down.

But most rather grow cobweb or join Pornography Anonymous. For Kenyans, I know are gd at sexting to their hommies bk at home and masturbation while Tanzanians just don’t have private parts. Period.

The other argument is that local chicks are so many. The ratios are just mind-boggling. In truth, foreign men even with the help of Zimbabweans cannot finish them. Jails are overflowing to the detriment of the bedroom social structure.

In South Africa women are so many that one can afford a 6-pack in each province (9 Provinces all together) while not getting drunk and without tripping on one another. While one is leaving, another is coming. Hee! Hee! No traffic worries or head-on collision.

Another reason is, local girls world over go for foreign men. It’s so normal and not unusual. It’s a case of sex with a stranger; the urge of the unknown; the power of imagination. Simple!

But on the other hand, there is a case of self-preservation. And this is where I feel for South African men. I wdnt want my sister to run-off with a man from a different culture; especially if the man is not a muganda man. Baganda are the only ethnic group I know of. Others I just hear abt...

But the truths is that Indians fuck Indians, black people hump fellow blacks and whites masturbate fellow whites.

Lastly, life in a foreign land is hard…so we get hardened with circumstances and what is a hardened man supposed to do…Find a softener. It could be fabric or lubric…Ha! Ha!

Enjoy the weekend!

Massive World Cup Warm-up Party awaits! 4th June, 2010.

When two student-penises decide to meet up on mountain in Hatfield, the rest of us shd be afraid! Possibilities are; they are busy looking in each others pants arguing the difference between a testicle and a scrotum or they could be busy wiring each other on who is bigger and more violent.

Brian Ikote wed Michael Kazora are organising a party in Hatfield, 4th June at Just Cuban next to Brooklyn police station. Yes, next to a police station. Rather misbehave in front of the cops than behind where u could be easily winded-out.

It’s dubbed “ALL I DO IS WIN”… U can imagine such a theme. Now oscof, with the Soccer World Cup in our midst, the buzz word is win, win and win. Men are players, kabisa!

But what’s it with men and winning? And winning what-anyway? Apparently: THE BEST DRESSED MAN AND LADY GET A BOTTLE OF CIROC RED BERRY”.

Great news! So in other ward there has to be effort in dressing-in what…? RED CROCS BERRY….Hee! hee!

But who’s interested in winning a bottle of some black man’s white pee laced with preservatives? I hear P.DIDDY…. Why not win a woman instead; a Brazilian soccer fan, to be precise?

I am going to attend this party; simply bcoz the lead DJ is white. He’s Josh and a very gr8 friend. Altho’ I’ve never quite understood why he still has a phone yet he chills with black people. Brave, hey!

There are also black djs from Mozambique, DJ Muwanguzi Mark (resident DJ of Libido Beach, Uganda and another called Musilu!

But, I am told the party has been inspired by Cocaine female soccer fans from Buenos Aires. Cz their supplier and his team are camping at Varsity of Pretoria’s High Performance Centre, apparently they want to see black men. MEN and not boys! And I AM ONE OF THEM…

As for any women out their, the season of starvation is upon u. Kayasi! My dear, if u dint plan for your libido and saved for a dildo, trouble.

Men are going to party football, drink beer and play women. After all, it’s a man’s world. Go to the police and report me!

Enjoy the sheets! hee! hee!

Tits: Passion, tension, size and man!

I once heard a woman say that if u wanted to distract a man, simply don’t wear a bra-regardless of whether yo boobs are large or small.

Today’s missive is abt this; Breast/Tits!

Recently was at a trendy Sandton pub n grill-Katzy’s. I walked in pretending to be rich, responsible and serious. Bcoz I am nt any of the abv three, I headed straight behind to the back-room, blue room kind of pub.

Here, u find all sorts of women. Blacks, Latinos, your corporates and Kenyans. Most, for sm reason, have large tits and yawning cleavages. It was a carnival of sexual appeal. Wow! “These are real and they are spectacular”.

I wasn’t that much surprised; its winter. And these gadgets are highly sought-after goodies. After all, on top of serving as handy barometers of desire-and simple to read: Up is “on”, down is “off”, they are also thermometers popping up when the weather is cold, like a giant pimple.

Uc, breasts always spark into man’s deepest wellspring of desire…and here I am seated in pub with piles and stacks of Swiss balls. Hee!

I made sure, I sat next to one “well-endowed” woman who wd chat to me as long as I paid the price-buy the drink.

She had this translucent skin and I could actually see her nipples loud and clearly. Hee! Hee! It was a wry take on the illicit thrill with an intention of looking at her boobs.

I started by asking my new mate (ha!)… “Why do most men engage in this peculiar but not unusual ritual of gazing and fantasizing abt tits?” And this is all she had to say… “coz they are men”! Simple!

I cont'd … “There’s an enormous thrill in spotting the outline of a woman’s areola or the push against the clothing that reveals a breast shape”.

May be coz breasts are a constant mystery. We can see them there beneath your clothes. But we don’t know exactly what they look like; shape, direction of the hour glass, the smoothness and alas, how supple they are.

Oscof, the more natural, fuller and softer; the better. Droopy breasts like5-litre jerry cans of Woolworths juice, mmmmh….

Chatted abt sizes and I told her that women need to understand that there’s an enormously wide range of boobs that men like. I assured her that whatever u have is pretty great in my eyes…wink, wink. Hee! Hee!

I dug deep into her cleavage altho’ occasionally calling my eyes to order. Ha! Ha! In the meantime tension is rising in the township. Hee! The bottom feeders in my crotch were ready to explode.

The powers that be, she relaxed one more button of her top prompting me to move closer on edge of the chair. Mama, nyabo!

She went on: Hanni, uc women prefer to begin with a caress (u can squeeze harder as she gets more turned on or requests it. And for me as a black woman (race card, now WTF!), I love to have breasts caressed and cradled in my lover’s hand and to have them kissed…

I couldn’t take any more of the chat-talk is cheap. Hee! Hee! It’s 3:00am. Pretoria, night traffic cops, here I come.

Keep warm, folks!

Winter Charity Braai: Uganda Society, spellbinding performance!

Who said size doesn’t matter…? There is a reason why the so-called clean people don’t use ropes to floss. I don’t coz all my dentine’s are well-spaced…hee! Hee!

Saturday wz Winter Charity Braai at Correctos, Hatfield. An initiative of Uganda Society (U.Soc formerly Youth Of Uganda) spear-headed by its financial guru Edith Kembabazi together with Hannington’s braai group.

Clearly size mattered. Here ur; in need of money and clothes…so one is gona need all sorts of people to come in numbers.

And in truth, they came in loads. Such was a diverse crowd that it’s true that black people are more likely to respond to a charity drive than other races.

Crowd included mostly maintenance generation like storms, curves, blackberries etc. These were complimented by corporates like spray tans, facials, foot spas and padded buttocks.

Behind Correctos backyard, the air was filled with the aroma of Mexican bbq seasoning. It was Hannington busy whipping up chunks of lamb chops, chicken thighs to the intensity of the heat.

I even spotted first-timers like Renault CFO Barbara Mirembe superglued (as usual) to Christine Luboyera, all looking gorgeous and stunning!

Andrew Serwadda, Mr, ur evidence that Canada might be closed to young people very soon. The way u gobbled that chunk of meat without chewing is proof that "it pays to be African".

Phiri Mudekunye with her delicious-cleavaged friend, present sir!! Smiling machine Shau, yo Bob Marley brother and another entourage, was great seeing u. Oh! What wd Pretoria be like without Kameeldrift.

Then former president of U.soc, Natacia Mpanga was ever present with her tribes women like Tracy…Ooh! Mama (nice goodies in that lime green top), twinkle lights twins- Alma and Anita, u rock.

Nuwe Samalie (Eastern Express beauty tends to run riotous in men… and Cynthia Ibale (between image and imagination…i dont know!)

Agasha, Stella, Rachel, u all looked awesome. Sankara Thomas, Jacob Ssali and Andrew Nyabwana (u guys shd move closer to the heat, next time.

Muwanga John, coming late is better than not coming at all. Thanks for popping…hee! hee
!
Then warriors of the meat waiting like vultures didn’t disappoint me. They kept me company by the fire. Kato 01, Proff. Walusimbi Kavuyo, Musa Waiswa and his brother, cool cucumber-like and dignified Edward Mukwaya, AUPSA Chairman Steve Twino, man with a cause, thanks so much.

Tendo and Karungi Clare (if corners were spacious…chairs wd turn into furniture Hmm!). Yo baby sister Megan Demo who looked on edge as usual.

Moses Bukenya in rightly donned in Chelsea jumper, champagne was popped earlier, and Giovanni Sebulime.

Roland with his beau Keliza Nkera, Quincy Katiti with his stunner Belinda Kenjura. Ikote as hard as usual…kept harassing me for the meat. Check yo pants mister!

Fiona Katasi (house-warming???) and your girlfriend forgotten her name-fuck it, who has a great voice. U burnt the midnight oil pakalast. Hope u reached home safely. Thanks.

DJ Mark waka waka sankalewa…, what with the biceps? It looks too much spinning of the vinyl’s is good for the body…Girls go! go!

Then Uncle John Mpungu and Uncle Steven Ntambi; u whacked that ugali and chapatti. It was such a fiery take on that thot uwd choke on the gravy!

Then the committee of U.soc, Chairman Michael, Vice President loud and clear Alma, Secretary Ocean Blue Patricia Kush and finance Edith Kembabazi; u guys are scaling such heights that ur increasingly setting standards for the future. We are already noting yo benchmarks that we will not settle for less than the best from whoever takes over in future.

The number was over 60 with so many other Ugandans, Tanzanians, Kenyans and Zimbos that I don’t know. All of u contributed clothes and money. Thank u so much. Will keep u posted on the hand over ceremony very soon.

Winter Charity braai!

Lets be honest, folks, if one dznt go out, they are likely to grow old quicker!

And think abt this: How many times have u gone out of your house to go find help? And u got it...

And who cares abt money anyway? Why keep it wn u can give it away for a gd cause?

Lolly Jackson (R.I.P) "The Naked Teazers Guru" has just left behind so much that, I am told its enough to cater for the Ugandan soccer team which will be here for the soccer world cup.

But still with his business, he still reached out to those who were not as lucky...

Then why wd one stick indoors this Saturday wn they could come donate and partake in a good cause?

For me nt even a nice gangstalicious hot steaming love session, this cold winter, wd keep me indoors.

So come Saturday, I am joing the Ugandan Society as Hannington's Braai; and cooking up a "mother of all nyama chomas".

DJ Mark is also doing for free...Ayeeye! All night long!

Due to the volumes of expected people, the venue is no longer at my flat but at Correctos (corner South street and Duncan), in Hatfield.

Only people ready to pay for a plate of R30 r invited.

If ur "fool" and "have just eaten"...Stay at home. I also do need lots of clothes.

The space between: Intelligent in Newdumbfoundlamb!

In life we have two kinds of people. The intelligent and the lamb!

But how does one spot the difference? This is how: The lamb will say “The sky has now been opened after the worst volcanic efartsion… while the intelligent will ask “How can one close and then open the sky…and with what kind of key?

The author of the articles on Hannington’s braai is a lamb, no doubt abt that. A few acolytes join in, here. He then ejaculates trash while the intelligent consume it.

But the trouble with the world, as it has always been; is with the intelligent (sic) and not the dumb!

And more problematic to the human race, is that, one is likely to find these intelligent people at varsity, something I totally find ludicrous! But as we all know, these days’ universities are a cesspool of banality that is destroying civilization.

Some go there to study quantum law; others just don’t know what they study. As long as they get jobs after. One chap is even studying a module “How to spot the G-spot of a dog 101”.

And it’s these idiots who try so hard to find sense in life, itself- that also double and want meaning in my articles. It just gets me hot in my loins coz it’s so stupid.

They fondle my style of writing in the most indecent way that one wonders how they manage to stay dry!

The other day sm intelligent grown woman with piggy buttocks sent an article (Ref: Carol’s arse and gangstalicious arse aint mean a wedding, 30th March, 2010) to the parents of her friend. She said… “Look! You see this kind of writing…? I’ve always convinced u that this Hannington guy is not normal. He has a scrotum…” Hee! Hee!

But as we all know most intelligent people are dumb. They are a miserable lot responsible for the many woes of the human race. For example, no intelligent person has managed to end poverty or even stemmed man-cheating. They just contribute to more of it….

It’s true that being intelligent is so outdated! U can’t tell some one any more these days that u graduated on top of your class teacher. Being on top and finishing first is no longer exciting!

It’s like a woman getting excited that she has breasts. “Hey! Hanny, come milk me… I have pointers”. Come on… The era of being the best is long gone.

In fact, these days, life rewards the shrewd and imbeciles. Toyota, Goldman Sucks, Enron, Chogm, Hitachi, etc. You stick to one partner ur finished! It’s that simple.

In truth, many of the garbage I write has nothing to do with being intelligent simply coz the so called intelligent are the Newdumbfoundlamb!

It’s in a way service whose significance is beyond the Garden of Eden. It’s a tool for the low-minded rhetoric, a boon to inform the over-informed.
Enjoy your week!

Party Wagon is gone!

The much love-hated Nissan Sentra was stolen last nite! WYG 989 GP has bn the bum-wagon of choice for the many who loved living the life!

Hundreds of beautiful bums, shapeless arses, gangstalicious bottoms, pantyless Britneys... u name it, graced the seats of my car!

Greatly gifted men, poorly endowed boys, hunters, gatherers, cheats, and many decent faithful men were fond of it.

We hit Horror Cafe, Woodmead, Rosebank, Sandton, Soweto, Midrand, Melrose, LC braais, Inkwazi, Airport, Menlyn, Hatfield etc while enjoying the sights and sounds of a this nuisance.

It doubled as my house occassionaly; sleeping in it while waiting for girls to come downstairs! It was a restaurant of a sort for some while a bar for others. For some it was a dressing table.

Passports, tennis raquets, shoes, charcoal, a weighing scale, manuals, journals, newscafe memorabilia mugs, earings, combs, mac foundation, towels, camping chairs etc is wht perished in the car!

Any sights and sounds, pliz contact me on 0731627083. I am also looking for smthing to buy! Not more than R35,000 CASH!

Birthday party! Strictly Ugandian men only!

Once upon a time, there is this XHOSA girl whose fortunes change for the best.
She lands on this Ugandian man (a member of this group) who inturn is one of the best men ever and thrz; I hear!

Ugandian man best...? I wonder! Some of the local girls say Ugandian guys are "good natured", Yes Gaetano, Yes Zimwe, Yes...u know yourself..., caring, humble (I say wimps) and can cook meat! hee! hee!

So the story goes...this Friday is the girl's b.day party at Bullpen Night club, Pretoria, Sunnyside. She has invited her fellow girls (100 in total) who want to know the secret in a UGANDiAN man!

And bcoz of this one Ugandian's behaviour, we are all in for a kill!

All UGANDiAN men are highly invited to come meet the hundreds of local hopefuls. Xhosa, Zulus, Swatis, Tsongas, Tswanas, Ndebeles, Pedis, Vendas, Coloured, Shangans, Sesothos etc.

They are keen to meet Ugandian men (guys lets go show them fire). For them it's a wet dream that wd cum truthfuly. For the Ugandian men, it wd be "Pliz World Cup Kick Me Off Early".

Apparently whether ur single or nt, as long as u appreciate local dishes....just come and listen to the others sides of stories. Nver know yo fortunes could change for the bestest!

For me, I do encourage guys in relationships to come see wht they are missing...but u have to go back home after! hee! hee!

Time is 8pm. Entrance is free.

Navio Benon Concert: Wow!

A diplomat with his family, students, pregnant women, corporates, smelly whites, albinos, homosexuals and all sorts of Ugandans came in droves!

Some with bull semen in their hair while others walked like bubblegum stuck up their butts.

It was the Navio & Benon concert at Alibi Night Club courtesy of Edgar Katiti. Entrance manned by mean a black man-Ikote and leggy Brenda...It was all systems go!

Massive cars were parked outside the club; a sign the penis enlargers were informed. These suckers live big, and good. U can’t help but mull over the choices we make in life!

Being the MC for the night; how does one begin to communicate with a crowd as diverse as Sunnyside? One section of the buttocks clearly being students is fine with gangster shit-like talk while the other side of the bums want Lugandlish. Buttocks and bums, mugati na butter!

But it was such a gr8 mix. After all, we are all Ugandans no matter what I sleep with! Fresh graduates were also arnd like Sheila, Petua and trust a party animal Oscar-who wz meant to lv that morning bt bcoz of the Volcanic ash…

As usual the section of the “bring your money and I multiply it” had fridges of beers on top of their tables. Money makes drinks flow. The students and other slow thinking dickheads, a bottle each!

DJ Mark Muwanguzi was busy screwing the machines left right and in the middle. Churning out hit by hit ranging from hip-hop, luganda, to reggae!

Benon hit the stage first with a massive bang. One cd easily see wet pants dripping from the drama queens. The man is so gifted with a voice that it wd be dumb not to say… “Come again” instead of “I beg your pardon”! Hee! Hee!

Drama queens indeed; coz how possible is it that u can scream so loud that the speakers were drowned out? These facebook-employed photographers continued to pull faces and faces until the right picture will be uploaded. Vanity, insecurity and all that comes with menstruating!

But they are a necessary nuisance for any party! They make it happen for some reason. They are well dressed and full of life. They will also offer the stars platter if and when he wants one. I can’t coz I am a man!

Then it was Navio; and boy…it was a stampede! Being the MC and on stage smwa by the Dj’s box, I saw a chaos. Girls’ weakened and all taken away. I saw a few touching themselves on their studios, scream uncontrollably “NAVIOOOO unnerve me! I want u! Katemba!

He’s a star-performer by all counts. Dressed in a green tunic and swoosh sneakers, he waddled thru the crowd with so much energy and ease. Slowly, a few star-struck girls went on top and danced…Not what u think, idiot!

And he’s a hunk by UK, Britain, and the Wales standards. He’s drop-dead gorgeous by standards of glossy magazines in New York and South Africa. And he is a “must bed me” by all Ugandan standard. Lucky bastard!

But thing is both these guys are so humble! They are so down under earth. They mixed and chatted with the crowd so well.

NU2 Entertainment…we want more!

Uganda Society: Wow!

Despite the dampening weather, this wd not deter party-fired up Ugandans from raping Alibi Night club dance floor last nite!

00's of Ugandans, helped by Kenyans, coupled by Zambians, aided by Zimbos, supported by Rwandese and strengthened by Mzansi’s repeatedly removed the pants of the floor, taking turns and seriously molesting it.

We assaulted the whole atmosphere so much so that my Nigerian friend swore to join U.Soc.

At one point the floor kept complaining ‘Onzita” at the sounds of Radio and Weasel song "Alina Potential".

Ladies and gentlemen, a standing ovation and loud drum rolls to the new management of Uganda Society- Micheal Kazora, his vice President: the one and only one…real and raw Alma Acon, plus amiable Edith and tantric Patricia Biraro.

It was such a massive vote of confidence to these new brooms.

This was one of the greatest parties in a while. The people, the crowd the DJ and everything that comes with a fun packed night was on!

Our girls turned the whole club into a glitz n glamour showpiece. Many in their circumcised expensive dresses and skirts, high heels were, up n abt.

Honourable past alumni’s of the organisation like Oscar Nekusa, Collins Balinda (and there they wa chatting and laughing with each other….kyoka men!); were around in full force. So powerful dem days that it was so nice seeing them arnd. And amazingly they still sting if provoked. Hee! hee!

Other revelers were evidence that Uganda might not groom one for beauty bt at least it will compensate in shaking of the waists; possibly coz of the nightlife there that is well documented.

As usual, a few horny men looked hardened and helpless!

Navio and crew who are in town also apperared and pulled off a quickie.

And trust hving celebs in the house, all the women go wet and hot instantly. It was the case.

Me and a few of my homies, later vowed to go turn our flats into studios and churn out smthing! May be that’s the trick.

Cu at the Navio and Benon concert, later today!
Cheers!

Uganda Society grand shaking!

He was once P.Diddy, then Daddy, also Puff Walusimbi and then Sean Joke then again Puff Dido...Blah, Blah, Blah...until he got tired of the name-change and now is RICH DADDY!

It seems Youth of Uganda in South Africa is following the same trend! So its now Uganda Society (U SOC)....whatever that means! U Suck my socks. Hee! Hee!

Hope it dznt 2moro become Uganda Co-operative Union and on Thursday Uganda United Union...

But the new managers under new management powered by Michael Kazora with assists from Edith, Alma, and Patricia Kush (WTF is that) are cleverer than I thot!

They have rebranded the organisation and have decided to zip-out with a grand massive party in Hatfield this Friday. Oh! Oh! Ku Foooryday...!

Hip Hop, Dance hall, Raggae, hot RnB and other sizzling tracks will be sounded!

I am a veteran who will never gv up on anything Ugandan, nt even a skirt. So I will attend with all my possessions. I am also inviting u to witness this debauchery were Sinners meet Regreters at a junction.

Come swing your tails n arses like u wont be able to sit thereafter! Come socialise, come meet youthful idiots and succulent pumpkins! COME HAVE A GOOD TIME.

Venue: Alibi Night Club. Damage is R30. DJ Mark is again doing his withcraft! lol!

Charity dinner

Hannington's braai girls have decided to cook up a stew! Led by Edith Kembabazi; they have decided to cook for all the men in this group.

If ur a man and tend to occassionaly get the need of taking smthing in and out later out, Eh..., and crave for a woman's stew, this is the night!

A nice salivating dinner will feature foods from all walks of pots to all shapes of stomachs. Matooke, Ugali, beef stew, peanut sauce (opens and unblocks the taps for more "piped water"... mama!), fresh beans, chapati, grilled chicken, fresh tilapia (increases fertility), sushi, mopani worms, chicken feet, etc.

The girls will also throw in a few hips of nice succulent browny lamb chops to complement the day. Mamma Mia!

AND the first female to upstage the Braai Master will also feature. She will demostrate and teach Mr. Hannington; how heat is tranfered from a low concetration to high concetration without turning the meat black..I thot all meat was black. Hoo!

But therz no free dinner, folks! A plate of foood will go for R30 and the proceeds will be donated to a charity where I normaly take the clothes.

Ur also asked to come with any of your wanted bt unwanted clothes and shoes.

Only hungry stomachs are invited! If ur full of yourself, go to Chicken kwasa! lol!

Date is 10th May!
Venue: 306 Camellia, How Much Street, Arcadia.

Thank you!

I am honestly so gr8ful to all of u who turned up for the After party for Dr. Napo Kasirye. Alibi Nightclub was loaded with lots of pretty, smart and nice people. I counted 82 people which was such a reasonably gd turn-out!

I am unable to mention u by names but ur know who ur are....Duh!

My sincere heartfelt regards to the Kenyan crew who came enmasse. Rotok, Carol, Mikey and alot many others; ASANTE SANA!

Thanks so much!

Thank you!

To all of you who turned up for the graduation after-party for Dr. Napo Kasirye!

Its possible u wa idle and thats why u popped arnd bt even then thanks so much! Lol!

Alibi Nightclub was on fire! Kenyan crew, Rwandese, Ghanaian, Zimbos and Nigerians...Respect!

The Volcanic ash was still in the air by the press time this evening! Hee! hee! It was such a massive party. DJ Mark, u once again proved to all wannabe DJ's that ur a grandmaster.

Emmy the tough "tax collector" ; SARs needs to head-hunt u, thanks so much. Getting from the dinner at CSIR and to the Alibi in Hatfield wd hv bn a tricky mission for me!

The floor was full of pary goers who I cant mention by name simply coz of the sheer size! Plus minus 82 total with a large chunk from this group.

U all looked so stunning in your outfits...Damn!

Thanks so much!

Sole-mate

Most men who drive big cars, it is said; are usually small. But so are men who put on big pants.

But being small is not all that bad. After all, a small fishbone can chock a sperm whale to death. Just like a toothpick can prick a whole gum sending blood all over the gumption. But I wd rather be big, no matter what!

Again, toes (some toes are too long that they fall over the shoes), their arrangement, spacing and back heels are handed down to us by fate, genes and history of the type of shoes we grow up putting on.

But it’s true that most women with large feet are usually not very small, down there. In fact a woman’s feet tell a lot things abt her right away from whether she is likely to snore during the workshop up to why she is such a serial cheater.

Guys, guys, take note of this and instead of getting glued to those tits, shift the focus to the bottom down.

A woman with large feet is likely to be “big”! Go there knowing that! Don’t say, u wa nt warned and start accusing her of sleeping around and being a dinosour.

Also, many men have invested precious drinks and resources in women only to later recite the loser statement “I think it wasn’t meant to be”.

Very often than not, we as humans tend to overlook the very feet that wd save us the pain and anguish; and tend to concentrate on the things we wd have, anyway. The solution to many problems in relationships, truthfully lies in the feet.

For example when a woman is sexually attracted to a man, she will move her feet towards him and have an open posture. This is not rocket science-she wants! Period!

So this simply means instead of opening your smelly mouth, one can use their feet to do the talking. This can be very handy especially if you loose your head in a car accident and may be your hands are tied.

But the catch here is: She has to have the feet and they have to move. Hee! Hee!

However, doing feet reading instead of palm reading can tell us more. For example if a woman has a big gap between the thumb toe (hee!) and its next of kin; just know she is loose and more likely to cheat on you.

One rzn why our forefathers and moremothers lasted in relationships was simply coz they never used to put on shoes. He wd look at the feet, heel, toes etc and was able to determine whether the woman was nubile, fertile or loose.

Today, by the time I realize that she is not my type, is when she is dressing up and putting on her shoes. Oh! Ntombafuthi, your feet are strange…”May be we wa not meant to be”. She’s just wasn’t my type!

Nicee week!