JSE-AUPSA Seminar: Reading bullet points doesn't turn you into a bullet.

Any seminar on a Saturday morning is like shooting one’s self in the scrotum.

In fact, I would rather go to the flea market and buy myself a new set of second-hand underwear than wake up on a Saturday morning for a money-jargoned lecture.

Now, Ive always argued, any yappings connected to money, finances or dimes should be conducted by naked women in silhouettes and without bra’s. Men should just sit and watch….. It’s just my way of thinking!

But guys, hands up if any one of you would kill a Friday night drink at Newscafe for a Saturday morning drivel on stocks? Lets count…dah, dah, two three five…yes 6 out of 60.

Here I was last Saturday in one. The AUPSA-JSE talks on Financial Independence. What???

The seminar started slightly behind schedule in the majestic towers of JSE. Never before had I been to the building of a sort; clean and nice air.

But what I suspect is, in order to be allowed in such buildings, u need to at least look like someone that has milk back at home in your fridge.

As it so happens the first casualty on such a day is the dress code. Here we are with meat cooks dressed as corporates and corporates masquerading as money…

Finger fucking licking foods greeted us; very tasty given the previous night guzzling.

And predictably like a church, a show on finances is likely to attract “poor-but-serious about life” faces. For they have more hope than the rest.

So here we are cruising with history of trash on JSE at full steam.

The modest but boring presenter painstakingly assaults us with jargon, slowly but surely. Stocks, dogs, index finger, closing, trading traders…blah, blah…

Intense concentration (mother of boredom) suddenly engulfs the room. The not so gifted started yawning while the more innovative ones switched to facebook raspberry.

I got up and borrowed a camera from Mr. Rottock, head of the Kenyan delegation. 

At this time the AUPSA chairman came in to try rescue the fractured crowd. He kind of succeeded.

But guys, weekends, just like life (are) to precious and short to spend one’s time on funeral policies and life-after-death grants.

And what’s with white people’s obsession with graves? Dying is a dull dreary affair for chrissakke!

May be coz I am not a member of the Corporate World Club, that’s why my patience is always at threat.

But it seems to me that corporate culture is likely to be the leading cause of poverty suicide in the future.

Corporates are notorious for forcing down power point bulleted trash inform of hanging flat screens.

The prey on the half asleep and previously drunk to make their powerless points!

For R5O, the floor, organisation, food, drinks and distance were worth it. But again, if I had spent half of that on the net reading the capitalist nigger and the other half on original nik-naks and lipton cold-tea. 

Surely I would sit under a tree and enjoy the crumbling citadels of capitalism and its trash.

The nedbank guy, David Iraka did extremely well in his Carducci suit.

The views expressed here are from my head and not from AUPSA.